Abused? Who me

Domestic Violence. Abuse. Wife Beater. What do these words mean? The media likes to portray these things as a man in a dirty t-shirt, drinking beer and complaining about his supper. Everyone cowers around him. Or as a handsome control freak, checking the order of canned food  and hand towels. Very rarely , if ever , have I seen an abusive relationship seem normal from the outside.On TV and the movies the bad guy is pretty easy to spot.

My children ran into there fathers arms. We had dinner parties. People laughed at his jokes. Women would comment on how wonderful H was. Someone actually said to me once, " If you two ever get divorced , theres no hope for anyone!" . I think she meant we were so happy, so  in love, she couldnt imagine it not lasting forever. I was so attached to the public perception of  "us" that I honestly did not think I was being abused. It didn't occur to me. AT ALL. Even after I was beaten dozens of times. I also thought I knew what a  "wife beater " was. He didnt look any thing like my husband. People liked my husband.If what my husband was doing was so bad, people wouldnt like him , right?

Even though most people had no idea what was really happening, some people had a clue. Some people had more than a clue. H beat me once at my sisters house. I thought my arm was broken. She promptly gave me an ice pack, but said nothing. She did not  call the police. She did not ask me any questions. H told  me on the way home that my brother in law , pulled him a side and said, " I understand, I know how those Thompson girls are." Now to the defense of my brother -in -law, H lies alot. Even if that wasnt what was said, the fact that they did nothing put there stamp of approval on what happened. There stamp of approval gave H more power than ever. That little part of him that knew it was wrong was gone. That little part of me that had any hope that I would get help, was also gone.

After this incident , I really felt like I wasnt a person anymore. I felt like a dog that had misbehaved. H beat me on and off for 10 years. It wasnt until he got arrested that I realized  what he was doing was wrong. He got arrested because he beat me at a New Years Eve party  in front of my neighbors, who called the police. Yes, INFRONT of my neighbors. When he went to jail , it was shocking to me. Shocking.I can only imagine the look on my face when the police officer told me they took him to jail . I almost asked what for. I am an intelligent person, I come from a good family, and I had no idea. It is amazing to me now how far away from myself I was. Once he got arrested the police become involved and they have people who suggest counseling etc.. I thought " what for?" I did NOT want to label myself  that way. The media does not portray victims of domestic violence that great either. ( Even though I look alot like Julia Roberts LOL!) I did not want to be perceived as weak, or stupid, and I couldn't bear to hear " why didn't you just leave?"


More to come soon,,,,